He's Just Not That Into You

I recently rewatched that old flick "He's Just Not That Into You" and am finding the message rings true. We always make excuses when we're not the one they choose, like the didn't call because he lost his cell phone, or he hasn't asked me out again because his grandmother passed away, but the truth is actually that he's just not into us.

One of my golden rules in life is "If they wanted to, they would", it's accurate most of the time unless something crazy did happen, but we're not the exception we're the rule. If someone wanted to talk to you, they would literally make up any reason to. You wouldn't be left wondering what's going on because it would be clear.

Perhaps I've read too many books and watched one too many movies where everything works out in the most romantic way possible because I ponder the possibilities in life and believe that the stories must be based on real life in some way, right?

Dating is hard, especially when you're no longer in your twenties or early thirties. I'm too old to be wondering how someone feels about me, for games, for uncertainty, and definitely for half-assed efforts. I had a moment during New Year that pains me to share but I'll do it anyway because I just know I'm not the only one.

Hours prior to midnight I told my friends how happy I was with life, my kids are wonderful, I'm happy with my career, have friends that love me for who I am, and know that my family always has my back. If I met someone to share the rest of my life with that would be a bonus but I'm good either way, except... EXCEPT.

Midnight rolled around, the countdown dropped down to one, and "Happy New Year" was yelled by the crew at the party. People grabbed someone to kiss like one does on New Year and I was there alone, not kissing a soul. The tears started to roll down my cheeks and I decided it was time for me to take off.

Yes, I was the woman crying in the car on the way home, texting my friend to say how suddenly the feelings of not being enough, surfaced. They bubbled up and ended up flowing down my face, I'm only human after all. It's not so much that I'm not enough and I know that, but why is it so hard to meet someone, really meet someone who ignites a spark within you so much so that you want to at least see where it goes? Are we all out there jaded by the apps, overwhelmed, overstimulated by just how many people there are, that we can't give one person a chance?

I kind of do blame the apps. You have to admit that when there's a buffet at your fingertips of all types of people who you have yet to meet, it's hard to want to give one person a chance. You may never know what you're missing...EXCEPT.

And hear me out, what if there was one person who is right for you but you passed them up for the others who offer no substance, who aren't what you want or even need, and we miss out on them because we're so caught in the loop we can't even see it.

I've been dating for a while and it's true, if someone wants you, you know it. I don't mean for just sex either, that's a given. Sex is easy, it's the rest where the fire comes in, where we should be spending our time. Maybe it does begin with a good date, and an awesome, spicy night of sex, but what if it's also more than that? We'll never know because we're looking and looking and looking for more.

To sum this up, next time you're wondering if they're into you or not, stop yourself mid-thought and realize that if you're sitting there wondering about it, that's your answer. A good man or woman, one who is meant for you won't let you waste time. Another golden rule, is "You can't fuck up anything meant for you". Not really, those who love you, will love you at your best and most definitely your worst. That doesn't mean go out and try to fuck it up, but just know that the right one will appreciate all of who you are, every last habit, every tear, every smile, and every minute with you.

Sometimes, we are the exception. Our story is the anomaly but not in the way you think. Maybe the right one is the person you least expect, maybe it's not the most ideal of circumstances, and maybe it doesn't make sense at first, but trust that eventually it will and you won't lose out, because it was meant for you.

I'm a romantic and yes, it's quite possible all those books and love stories have me looking to the stars for something divine, but the fact that I believe in it is the very reason I'll hold out for the right one. It might take a while, years even, but that's OK. When it does happen, it will be the most perfect love story for me, it will be worth the wait, it's the possibility of it that makes it true. If it weren't possible, it wouldn't be something I'd have one thought about.

Those out there just getting by with the basic scenarios, the less-than-romances are the ones who will miss out on something spectacular. Let's leave the mundane to everyone else and seek something so magical, so heavenly, that even authors have to write about it.