Synchronicity

This word came up during casual conversation and I couldn't let it go, the events after proved that something was up in the universe, so much so, that it compelled me forward. Almost like a quantum leap an understanding of something bigger, something more than just what or where I was in the moment.

A movie touched my soul a few years ago, at the time I thought it was because it resembled my story but now I'm wondering if it wasn't for something now, years later. Not only did the movie, move me in ways I wasn't expecting but the soundtrack stuck with me. A few of the songs are saved to my long list of favorites that I happen upon occasionally when I play it through without skipping around.

During this recent moment of, I don't know, stars aligning or the universe speaking to me, a tune from the movie was whistled. Maybe it was the mood, or the person or maybe it was just the right timing, but I stopped for a minute and took pause. Suddenly the emotions I felt from watching this older movie came rushing back and felt profound in ways I couldn't explain at the time. I needed a second to process what had happened because it was that random, but so soul moving I couldn't ignore it.

I went back and watched the movie to see if there was something I had missed, even to prove to myself that the movie was just a movie. A flick that stirred me years ago but questioned if it would feel the same now. You know when we go back to watch an old favorite, it no longer holds the same magic. It's simply something you've seen, comfortable like an old friend but doesn't offer the same sparks it once did. Except, this time it was different.

I felt my entire existence flood into me, it was more than an old friend, it was everything all at once. Slow at first and then the totality of life coursing through my veins.

Decimated.

I felt it hardcore, like an explosion of dynamite in my chest.
It left an aching deep in my bones
Seeping out through every cell, dripping from eyes unable to hold it in
Too much sensation all at once
It was so slow and then it blew me completely open
Like a dying star
The blast too sudden but not unexpected

Waiting for the one who would peel my layers from my muscles and pull the skin down until it slid down my limbs and left me bare, bones exposed.

Walking away, I turned to catch a glimpse of you just one last time before I took off.
I wish I could still see you, perhaps hear your voice, look straight into your eyes, and feel your gaze penetrate me in the way only you can.

For a lover I will never see again in this lifetime, but always in my dreams, this is for you!